The Elevator
by Are We Human
Summary: Joey Tribbiani has a date with an elevator.
1. Monica's Idea

_xx Authors Note xx_

_Just something I decided to write! Sprang into my head outta nowhere!_

_xx_

"Hey guys," Joey Tribbiani said coolly, closing the door to Chandler and Monica's flat behind him, striding across the room and landing on the sofa.

"Hey, Joey!" Monica said happily, looking up at him.

"Hey Joe," Chandler said, grinning at him.

"So ..." Joey clapped his hands, "What's up with you guys?"

Monica stared at him. "Um, what?"

"Well ... Rachel and Pheebs are out shoppin', and well, you guy's are just sittin' at home doin' nothin'?" Joey said incredulously, staring from Chandler to Monica. It was Chandler who was first to recover. He let out a half-hearted laugh.

"Joe, we're sorting things out for when the baby comes ..." He said slowly. Joey glanced at him.

"Yeah but, you don't have to do that all _day," _He retorted, glaring back at him, "What about all the fun stuff you and me used to do, huh? What happened to all that, huh?" He said. Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Listen Joe, after all the baby stuff is cleared up you and me'll go see a football game together, okay?" He said, trying to reason with Joey, who wasn't having any of it.

"Ohh, no!" Joey said angrily, springing to his feet, "You can't bargain with me Bing!"

Monica raised an eyebrow, "Since when have you _ever_ called Chandler by his last name?"

"Since, um ... now?" Joey said quietly, swaying on the spot and almost tripping. Monica sighed and shook her head impatiently. Then, as If by magic, she suddenly froze, and then looked back up at Joey.

"_OH! OH! OH! I KNOW!" _She exclaimed, "Joey! Guess what?"

After recovering himself from the shock of this sudden outburst, Joey glanced at her, "What?"

"Listen Joey, there's a place I know in the mall, It's kinda' quiet, no one really goes there ..."

"Pehh!" Joey mumbled.

"... Except beautiful _women_ ..."

"Say wha'?"

Joey was listening hard now. He sat down again.

"Well," Monica said, brushing hair out of her face, "I heard there's a sort of modelling thing upstairs where only real posh and sexy models can get in, right? And then they take a certain _elevator_ that leads to this _place _thingy I mentioned. They all go down there."

"What - reall-"

"Would I _lie _to you, Joey Tribbiani?"

Joey stared at her, thinking hard. It was a tough one. Monica Bing had been his friend since forever, but she had of course lied to him on many occasions, and this could be one of those occasions.

"I dunno Bing, I may have to think on it," Joey said finally, after ten minutes of thinking.

"Well ... If you do wanna go, I'll give you the address." Monica sighed, getting out a pen.

Joey brightened, "Okay!" He said, grinning, "I guess It won't hurt to go now, you guys'll be okay without me though, right?"

"Of _course _Joey!" Chandler said, offering Joey an extremely false smile, "We'll just have to manage, won't we Mon?"

"Oh yeah!" Monica said, joining in, "Anyway, you'd better be off now. Later,"

"Yeah, later," Joey muttered, glancing at the address on the note she had given him, "Well, untill next time, _Bing_."

"Yeah, okay," Chandler said, "Oh, and Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna stop calling me _Bing_?"

"Nah, not really."

"What If my fist came at you?"

"Then I'd probably have to."

With that, Joey left the appartment.


	2. Patricia Lauren Springs

_xx Authors Note xx_

_The second chapter of this Joey fan-fic! Sorry It's slightly late ... I usually write them pretty quickly. _

_Anyway, enjoy._

_xx_

"Hmm ... 'The Elevator' ... cool." Joey murmered to himself as he approached the empty corridor Monica had spoke about. He grinned. Sure enough, there was an elevator.

It was pretty strange, with bright pink doors that opened and shut. So far, he hadn't seen what It was like inside, but hoped to sneak up to the modelling room and pull some hot models. That was what he hoped for, anyway.

"Yeah? Okay! Fine!"

Joey froze, spinning around on the spot. There, walking towards him, was the hottest woman he had ever seen in his entire life. She was blonde, with bright blue eyes, a tan, attractive face, great figure. She was talking on her cell phone and coming right for him.

Joey thought for a moment. _Hmm, attractive body, really hot ... yeah, I could have sex with her. _

He grinned rather sheepishly, stepping aside to let her go past. The woman stared at him for a moment before saying, still speaking into her cell phone, "I'll call you back, Louis." She sighed and hung up.

Joey grinned, "Hey, how you doin'?" He asked, his hands behind his back. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Um, who the hell are you?" She asked, staring at him in amusement. Joey frowned.

"Joey Tribbiani," He said coolly, "And yourself?"

"I'm Patricia," She said, "And I don't think you're supposed to be down here."

Joey stared at her, "Why not?" He asked.

"Because this corridor is off-limits to total strangers," She said, looking him up and down. He grinned at her, then immidiately wished he hadn't grinned in such a creepy way. Patricia's eyes widened as he did this. "Oh, and perverts, too." She said sharply, turning on her heel and flouncing away towards the elevator. She sighed impatiently, pressing a few buttons. The door opened.

"Hey, wait!" Joey called after her, stumbling forwards, "What's It like in there?"

"Ew!" Patricia said, affronted, "Listen, you creep, get out of here! Or I'll call security!"

"No, wait!" Joey said, ignoring her and rushing forwards. The door to the elevator closed.

It took Joey a few moments to realise that he hadn't made it into the elevator in time. When he finally regained conciousness again, he found himself lying on his back beside it, his nose throbbing.

_xx_


	3. Model Heaven

_xx Authors Note xx_

_Hope you're enjoying the fic! It won't be too long though, sorry! _

_xx_

"Uggh ..."

Joey Tribbiani entered Monica and Chandler's appartment, slamming the door behind him and trudging over to them. Monica looked up at him and began to laugh.

"Um, hey! What happened to you?" She asked, smirking at him. Joey gave her a look of deepest disgust and sat down.

"You were right, there _was _a really hot blonde girl there, only she turned out to be a total bitch and slammed the elevator door in my face." He growled, glaring at the two of them. Chandler raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?" He said blankly.

"Woah, what? There were actually women _there?_" Monica said, looking surprised. Joey nodded, massaging his forehead. Monica blinked at him, "But, I didn't know that."

Joey raised an eyebrow at her, "What? You sent me over there!"

"I - I didn't know there were actually women _there,_" Monica said, shaking with laughter, "I thought you'd just get thrown out by security instead!"

"_What! Monica!_" Joey said angrily, glaring at her. Then he relaxed, "So anyway, she was really hot, and we are talkin' _hot_ here," He grinned, "She was a real turn-on."

Chandler smirked, "What, getting whacked in the face by an elevator door is a real turn on for you?" He joked.

Monica couldn't control herself any longer. For a moment she sat there, shaking with laughter. Then, out of nowhere, she threw back her head and laughed uncontrollably. Even Chandler's eyes widened as she did so.

"Woah, Mon ..." Chandler said, patting her on the back, "Uh, that's right, let it _all out ..." _

"Forget this," Joey grumbled, getting up, "You guy's are no help."

"Bye, Joey!" Monica said through giggles, "Let's hope another model dents your face this time!"

Joey ignored her.

_xx_

Joey Tribbiani wasn't going to let any other really hot models get the better of him.

He was going to find a way to get inside of that elevator, whether 'Patricia' liked it or not.

When he arrived at that same corridor again, he found it was deserted, as It had been before when he had first arrived. Not a model in sight, he thought sadly, pacing around, hoping that one would turn up. He also wanted to know what It was like, _up there ..._

Joey's eyes travelled from the elevator to the ceiling above him. He couldn't hear anything, but he could guess what It would be like. Models walking around with nothing on, getting their photo's taken, that was heaven to him.

"Ouch! _God_, these shoes are _awful_ ..."

"Yeah well, I bet If you ask your Dad he'll buy you some new heels,"

"I guess. But anyway, we've got alot to do today ..."

"What're you doing today, anyway?"

"Photoshoot, you?"

"Hmm, I've got two interviews ..."

The voices of two women grew nearer. Joey ducked around the corner, hardly daring to believe his luck. _Two women. _One was enough, but _two_?

_This really is heaven! _Joey thought excitedly as the women turned the corner, walking past him.

The first women had long, straight perroxide blonde hair. She had dangerous eyes and a thin, pointy face. She was wearing a very strappy top, a skirt and long purple boots. She was really hot, but nothing compared to the women beside her. The second women was a brunnette, with long, curly brown hair, and lovely eyes. She was wearing a fur coat, and high heels. Joey couldn't see what she was wearing underneath, sadly.

"What's the combination again, Sara?" The second women asked.

"Trish! You need to _remember_," The first women said, sighing impatiently, "Alright, It's 31075."

Joey heard the pressing of buttons for a few seconds, before hearing the door open. It was time to act. Without thinking, he sprang out from behind them, and then immidiately wished he hadn't. Both women gave a yelp of surprise and spun around.

"_You!" _The Sara women said fiercly, glaring at him, "Um, who are you?"

"I'm - Joey," Joey stammered, staring at the floor, "And you ladies are ...?"

"Sara! We're not supposed to talk to _strangers,_" The Trish women said exasperatedly, tugging desperatedly at Sara's arm. Shaking her off, Sara looked back at Joey.

"Hmm, you're hot," She commented, nodding at him, looking him up and down. Joey grinned.

"Thanks," He said, "So're you."

"Yeah, I said you were hot," Sara said, "But you're also a total loser. C'mon, Trisha."

The two of them began to walk towards the door again, preparing to step inside, but Joey rushed up infront of them, blocking their path.

"No! I wanna know, what goes on up there, and also If either of you ladies would be willing to have sex with me tonight?"

Trish seemed to nod very slowly at him, but Sara slapped her arm impatiently, "No! Trish, what were you _thinking_? This guy is a complete loser! Wandering the halls here, hoping to bag a few sexy models?"

"Well yeah, that was the idea," Joey said quietly, "But anyway, c'mon girls! I can so _tell _you adore me."

Sara seemed to sway on the spot for a moment, deep in thought. Then, she brightened and said, "Well yes, okay, we both admit to adoring you, Joey," She said, taking his hands and trying her best to look seductive, "Hey, how about you come up with us?"

Joey's eyes widened, "Up - up there!" He exclaimed.

"Sure!" Sara said, grinning mischeviously, "We can introduce you to all the top models, I'm sure they'll be dying to meet you ..."

"Sure!" Joey said at once, following them into the elevator.

"Up we go, then," Sara said, smiling at him. Joey grinned.

"Yeah," He said, "_Up we go._"

_xx_

"Here we are!" Sara said, as the bright pink doors opened. Joey's mouth dropped open.

The room he was looking at was enourmous. There were purple walls, shiney floorboards, and, as he had predicted, models running around half-naked. As he, Sara and Trish stepped out of the elevator, he felt like he had just stepped into heaven.

"Trish? Sara? Whose th - Oh my god!"

To Joey's utmost horror, Patricia, the woman who he had had a run in with the day before, stalked over to them, fuming, her arms crossed. "What the hell is he doing here! He isn't _allowed _in here, Trish!"

"Don't ask me!" Trish said indignantly, "Ask her!"

"Listen, Trish and I -"

"_You._"

"Okay, okay! _I _wanted to show Joey what It was like up here." Sara explained.

Patricia shook her head impatiently, "You ... argh, I don't have time for this right now."

And with that, she stalked off in the other direction, away from them. Sara went off after her, but Trish lingered behind with Joey.

"Um ... still interested in the sex thing?" She muttered to him.


	4. Kicking His Ass

_xx Authors Note xx_

_I think there's gonna be five chapters. Anyway, xox_

xx

"Hey guys," Joey said, walking into Monica and Chandler's appartment.

"How did It go?" Chandler asked, grinning at him.

"Hey, It went good!" Joey said indignantly, Then he grinned, "I got to go up there."

Monica's mouth fell open, "Oh my god! I always wanted to go up there! About three years ago I'd go there every day after work and try and sneak in!" She exclaimed, "But, I didn't know the actual number thingy to get in the elevator ..." Her face fell, then she shook her head impatiently and said, "So, how was It? Was It pretty up there?"

"Oh, you betcha'," Joey said, grinning at them, "_More _than pretty. It was _hot!_"

Monica stared at him. "I was talking about the actual _place, _Joey."

"Oh! Yeah, I knew that!" He said indignantly, "Anyway, there were some really hot girls there, Trish Reno and Sara Helens. They were _so _hot. But, I don't think they're my type." He added sadly.

"Um, since when has any women ever _not _been your type, Joe?" Chandler said. Joey's head swivelled around to look at him for a moment.

"What are you implying there, Chandler _Bing_?" He said in almost a whisper, his eyes narrowing, glaring at Chandler, who shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Wow, you actually know what implying _means?_" Monica said, looking mildly surprised.

"Nah, I just heard people usin' it in other sentences," Joey answered, grinning at her. Monica stared at him before shaking her head impatiently and sighing.

"Look, I'm goin' back down there - or _up_ there rather - tonight! Trish and Sara wanna show me around." He told them. Monica looked puzzled.

"I thought you said they showed you around today?" She said slowly.

"No, no!" Joey said, "The security guy had me kicked out. But Sara put up a _good _fight! Boy, that security guy won't be lookin' good tommorow!"

Monica stared at Chandler, who shrugged and went to the bathroom.

_xx_

"Sara Kelly Reno!"

Sara had just returned from one of her interviews. She sighed impatiently, "What _now, _Patty?"

"I want to know why you're inviting that guy up here again tonight!" Patricia Lauren Springs said angrily, drawing up to full height, "You can't do it, Sara. If you let him in tonight I'll be getting you fired, I promise."

"Look, I don't really _like _him," Sara said, glowering at Patricia, "I just wanted to beable to kick his ass! Trish and I have got it all sorted out. He'll come up here, and we'll give him an ass-kicking that he'll never forget!"

Patricia swayed on the spot for moment. Then, she nodded, "Okay! I wanna help. I can give you girls tips."

Sara stared at her. "_Tips? Me?_ Did you not _see _the way I kicked that security guard's ass _today _Patty!"

Patricia sighed, just as Trish entered the huge hall, "Hey! Trish!"

"What?" Trish said, wandering over to them.

"Listen, that Tribbiani guy? We're gonna kick his ass." Patricia explained to her.

"What? I liked him!" Trish said indignantly, folding her arms and frowning.

"Oh, Trish, you can do better than that," Sara said absently, "Listen, I'm with Patty. He's coming round tonight, right?"

"Right ..." Trish said slowly.

"_So_? We'll teach him a thing or two about flirting with girls like us!" Sara told her.

Trish sighed. Tonight was going to be one night _she _definately _wouldn't _forget.


	5. Revelations

_xx Authors Note xx_

_The final chapter! Might be quite long - depends. Anyway, enjoy xox_

_xx_

"I'm goin' now, guys," Joey said loudly, as he entered Monica and Chandler's appartment, "Wish me luck."

"Uh, good luck?" Chandler said, "Let's hope you get to have sex with atleast one of them?"

"Yeah, let's!" Joey said, grinning, "Anyway, I'd better get over there. Sara's expecting me around nine."

"Wow, late," Monica commented.

"Yeah. Oh, and Trish and Sara called me earlier to tell me they'd brought one of their friends over."

"Well, I hope she's hot," Chandler said, grinning. When Joey glowered at him, he added hastily, "Because - that would be good for _you._"

"Yeah, It would," Joey said gruffly, putting his jacket on, "I'll see you guys lat -"

"Hey!"

Rachel had just entered the appartment. Smiling at the three of them, she closed the door.

"Hey, Rachel," Joey said.

"Hey Joey! Hey you guys! Wow, what a day, such hard _work_ ..." Rachel said breathlessly.

"Really?" Chandler said, looking surprised.

"No, not really," Rachel said, shrugging her coat off, "So, what's going on?"

"Joey has a date," Monica told her, "With _three _women."

Rachel smirked, "Really? Wow, Joey. You really know how to treat a woman."

"Yeah, alright, you guys," Joey said, getting annoyed, "Anyway, I have to get off now or I'll be late."

"Have a nice time!" Rachel said.

"Yeah, let's hope you _pull_." Chandler said lowly, when Joey was still in earshot.

_xx_

"Where _is _he?"

"Calm down Trish, he'll be here any minute."

"But -"

"_Trish! Shut up and listen to Sara!"_

"I just -"

"Will you knock It off Trish? If you keep stuttering like that It'll just drive him off."

Glaring at the pair of them, Trish glanced around the corner for the fifth time. She gave a small gasp, for there he was, striding down the hallway, a look of triumph plastered over his face. "He's here!" She hissed to Patricia and Sara, darting away out of sight.

Joey Tribbiani strode confidently down the empty hallway. Oh yes, tonight was his night. _Three _woman. Could things get any better than this?

Then a thought suddenly occured to him which made him stop and think. What If the _third _woman ... _wasn't hot? _Would he beable to live with himself, having sex with an ugly woman? All the woman that Joey had had sex with in the past had been beautiful. Hoping that this wouldn't happen, he shrugged and carried on down towards the elevator. It was then that Sara, Trish and Patricia sprang out before him.

"Hey Joey!" Sara said sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

Joey gasped, "Is that -_ that girl!" _He whispered, horrified. Patricia grinned at him.

"Yeah, but I just want you to know, Joey," She said, "We really got off on the wrong foot. I just want to try and make It up to you."

"Um, okay," Joey said uneasily. Okay, so he wasn't the brighest crayon in the box, but he could sense that something was going on.

"Let's go, then!" Sara said, beaming at them all. The four of them shuffled into the elevator, and Sara pressed a few buttons. Then, they were going upwards. "So ..." Sara said quietly, glancing from one to the other, "How are you guys?"

Patricia glared at Sara. If the stupid girl blew their cover, Joey could surely get them all fired. "Well, I'm fine, thanks, Sara," Patricia said coldly, glaring at her. Sara must have understood this as a motion to stop, because she shut up right there.

Finally, after an age, the elevator came to an abrupt halt, and the doors slowly slid open. Joey stepped back into his own little heaven, slightly dissapointed at the fact that there were no other extremely hot models for him to look at, as everyone else had gone home for the night. He followed the other three into the foyer, where they all stopped suddenly as Trish, very reluctantly, showed Joey a few old paintings. Joey just stood there and nodded, hardly even knowing what a real painting was. They travelled around the foyer for a while longer, showing Joey all the galleries and dressing rooms, untill they finally came out into the hall again.

"Enjoying yourself there, Joey?" Patricia said in a weird tone of voice, not looking at him.

Joey hesistated, "Uh, yeah, pretty much," He said, grinning. This wasn't true, of course. Joey wanted more than anything to stop looking around the boring old place. It was like another school field trip allover again. "So, um, what next?"

"You know about that forgiveness thing we talked about, Joey?" Patricia said absently, still not looking at him. Joey stared at her, at a loss for words.

"Um, yeah -"

"Well, can we just forget that and say It never happened?" Patricia said, turning to face him and smiling.

"Uh, why?" Joey said slowly, dumbfounded.

"Because," Patricia said even more slowly, "I don't like you, all that much ..."

It seemed to take an absolute age for Patricia Lauren Springs' heel to make contact with Joey Francis Tribbiani's balls. Before Joey could say anything else, or try to defend himself, Patricia's left leg had swung up, driving into his ... _well, It's been said already. _For a moment, Joey reeled back, gasping for breath. Then he crumpled to the floor, and passed out.

"Oh my god!" Trish whispered anxiously. Patricia grinned.

"So, whose better now, huh Sara?" She said smoothly, walking past an unconcious Joey, careful to tred on his fingers.

Sara said nothing, staring from Joey to Patricia. Then she sighed, "Oh, okay, you are Patty," She murmered, admitting defeat, "Now let's get him downstairs."

"No," Trish said suddenly.

The two girls turned to face her, "What?" They chorused. Trish grinned.

"No," She said, "I have a better idea."

xx

"Where d'you think Joey is?" Monica Bing asked an unconcerned Chandler, who shrugged his shoulders and yawned.

"I don't know," He said wearily, raising a hand to his forehead, "Maybe he got his wish?"

"Or maybe ..." Monica said thoughtfully, pausing for a moment, "Maybe he was kidnapped by a group of angry models, and locked away for eternity?"

"Nice imagination, Mon," Chandler said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her and slumping back in his seat. Monica sighed and cuddled close to him.

"Ah well, I had my hopes up anyway ..." She sighed. "Anyway, I'm goin' to bed now, coming?"

"Yeah, I guess," Chandler said, getting to his feet, "It's just weird. I mean, It's past midnight, and Joey still isn't back yet ..." He rubbed the tip of his chin in thought for a few moments, before grinning at his wife and stretching.

"Well, we can't wait around for him to show up _forever,_" Monica said, yawning, "Anyway, he'll beable to give us the juicy gossip tommorow! C'mon, honey," She said, dragging Chandler off before he could say another word.

_Hmm, I wonder ... _Chandler thought inside of his head, as he was dragged off to bed.

xx

Joey Tribbiani woke up.

The first thing he saw when he awoke from being unconcious was a bright light in his eyes, almost blinding him. Shielding his eyes, Joey stood up and looked around, banging his head. He looked up. He was in some kind of ... _box. _And then he realised, he was inside of that damn elevator that had caused all this trouble. Joey sighed and whimpered, wishing that he'd never taken Monica's advice and came here looking for trouble.

"Ah, they'll come rescue me in the morning," Joey muttered to himself, sitting down, "Anyway, I'll beable to get those two bitches fired," He grinned, pleased with himself. Then the thought occured to him that he'd just spent atleast thirty seconds talking to himself, and so he closed his eyes, and went off to sleep.

xx

_xx Authors Note xx_

_Finished! And look, I know this story was pretty crap, but I wanted to try something new, something that no one else had tried, and so here it is :) Hope you enjoyed reading! _


End file.
